i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
