dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
