He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
