so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
