the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize