i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
