LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
