then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
