Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
