I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
