you have to choose: penises or morals?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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