Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
