I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
