just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Less talking, more tequila
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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