i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize