I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
now i know why i became what i already was.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
