Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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