I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
