My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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