And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
