mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
