So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
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