i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
