My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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