Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
