Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
