Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
