You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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