so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
