Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
