It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
