It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize