one two three fourrrrnication!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
