The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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