based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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