I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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