Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
