very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize