I wish my penis had an off switch
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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