Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
