New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
