can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
