i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
