I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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