I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
