we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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