i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
