It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
