The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
