EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
