It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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