So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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