Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
