I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
