so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
