Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
