i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
