Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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