By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
