The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
