The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
They have beer where we have blood.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize