I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
