I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize